I won a small contest with this several years ago. This is my only story to feature outright “explicit” sex, but remember, this is a Star Trek parody.
Captain James R. Marshall sat on the bridge of the U.S.S. Dave Harvey.
“Ensign Juan, status report.”
Juan turned around to face the captain. “Sir, we have entered the female vessel Clarissa’s territory.”
“On screen.” The screen on the front of the bridge lit up to show Clarissa, a tall voluptuous brunette, holding the ship. Her lips started to move. “Lieutenant Ellen, open a communications channel.”
Lieutenant Ellen, who was sitting at a console next to Juan, pressed some buttons and Clarissa’s voice came over the loudspeakers.
“Dave, I love you. You’re the nicest guy I’ve ever known.”
“Ellen,” James said, “tell her that we love her too.”
Ellen pushed some buttons and the ship’s voice said, “I love you too.”
Clarissa moved forward and kissed the ship. The bridge rumbled as her tongue explored Dave’s mouth.
A voice came out of a speaker in the captain’s chair. Mouth Attendant Michaels spoke, “Captain, Clarissa’s mouth attendant shouted over that they want to sex have with us. They say she is on the pill.”
James looked over at his first mate, Ben. “Should we?”
Ben laughed. “Of course. It’s been a year since we last had sex.”
James nodded. “Tell them yes.”
“Will do sir, Michaels out.”
James pressed a button. “Red Alert! All hands prepare to score. I repeat, all hands prepare to score!”
The bridge glowed red and sirens blared.
Dave and Clarissa maneuvered into her bedroom.
“Juan, lay her on the bed.” Dave did just that. “Now remove her clothing.”
Dave took off her blouse but seemed to stall on the bra.
“Captain, the bra is tough to remove.”
Ellen leaned over. “Let a woman do this.” She pressed some buttons on Juan’s console and the bra unclasped and was removed. Once Clarissa was naked, she started to pull down Dave’s pants.
“Commence erection,” James shouted. He watched as a little penis extended on his console.
Once the ship was naked, they heard Clarissa say, “Fuck me, Dave, I’ve waiting for this moment since I first met you.”
Ben leaned over. “Shouldn’t we engage in foreplay first? A little oral sex?”
“There’s no time for that, Ben, she wants our cock in her now! Ensign Juan prepare for the missionary position sequence!” The ship moved into position. “Ellen, make sure grunting is at a minimum.”
“Yes, Captain,” Ellen said.
The crew held on as the bridge vibrated violently. After a few moments it became hot and steamy. The engineer’s voice came over the speakers. ”Captain, the hips are stressed and ready to give out. We’re running out of power!”
“Divert all power to the hips, we cannot fail this mission!”
“We’re giving it all we’ve got,” the engineer shouted.
Suddenly the consoles started to spark and smoke, the screen started to fade white.
“All hands brace for ejaculation!”
The ship bucked violently and the bridge crew went flying out of their chairs on the floor. After a few moments of cooling, James crawled back into the chair. “Status report.”
The screen showed them lying in bed. Clarissa, in a post-orgasmic glow, was caressing the ship’s face. James smiled. “Mission accomplished.” Cheering came over the speakers as the bridge crew sighed relief.
“Dave, you were wonderful,” Clarissa communicated.
“Ensign Juan, pull her close,” James said.
The ship’s arms surrounded her and pulled her closer. Clarissa laid her head on a shoulder, and shut her eyes.
James stood. “Put the ship to sleep, we did well tonight!”